...trees.

I grew up in the high mountains of Colorado.  From the time I was about 10, after my dad remarried, we lived on about an acre of land which was mostly pine and fir trees.  Enough so that every Christmas we went into our own backyard to get our Christmas tree.  None of this "go buy one off a lot" nonsense.  My grandparent's homes were both on property with a lot of trees as well even though they were in the city limits.  Both had yards full of beautiful gardens and grass.  As far back as I remember I loved to play outside more than anything.  I'm very much a child of nature.  I always have been and always will be.  It really is where I feel most at home.  

As an only child, I had myself, my dogs and the trees and wildlife to play with most of the time.  I would spend hours outside playing in the dirt, sitting under trees reading, building little makeshift tree houses with branches, talking to my imaginary friends, and laying under the trees just 'being'.  I'd eat too many of my grandmother's raspberries and strawberries and end up with stomach aches.  And dirt pies were a frequent creation.  :)  I knew all the wild mushroom varieties and berries and could tell you which were "yum yum" and which were "yuck yuck" from a very young age thanks to my dad and mom.  I knew most of the wildflowers that grew around us and even though every year allergies would make me a puffy snot factory, I still preferred to be outside.  To this day, my dream house is a tree house not unlike those of the Elves in Lord of the Rings.

Looking back I think the best friends I ever had were the faeries of the woods.  I knew all the different butterflies, the different beetles, worms and insects.  I knew the different wildflowers, trees and bushes of the Colorado wilderness.  I'd watch caterpillars as they ate whole leaves and marvel when an inchworm found its way onto my skin.  Many a summer did I catch caterpillars, watch them cocoon in a jar and then release them when their chrysalis' opened revealing their new forms.  Having deer eat apples out of my hand was commonplace and seeing mountain sheep up on the cliff faces was normal.  When we went jeeping I'd talk to the whistle pigs and picas when they'd chatter at us.  There was many a time when I would literally watch stuff grow.

As I got older, moved to the city and got bogged down with the chaos of being an adult, I started to lose some of that wonder and blissfulness of being with the earth.  I live in a very busy city being in the Bay Area but we are so close to the redwoods and the ocean.  We have beautiful lakes within a few minutes of us and until recently I haven't taken much time to explore.  And I miss it.  SO much.  I didn't realize how much until I started going to a women's retreat up in the Santa Cruz Hills deep in a redwood forest.  I immediately feel so much better when I'm up there.  I feel...at home.  When I spend time with the trees I feel more like myself than pretty much anywhere.  Especially when I sing with them :D

I've started to make more time to be outside and with the trees again.  I'm going to find a book of local native plant and wildlife and learn everything I can of where I now call home.  I'm going to go explore more.  Spend time with the earth and reconnect with her.  Even if my back is being dumb and I don't feel like going for a full walk, I'm still going to just go and sit.  I long to play in the dirt and be in the comforting arms of the trees and feel the wonderment I did when I was younger.

I once saw a bumper sticker that said "Tree Hugging Dirt Worshiper."  Yup...that's me! :D

...Craft Stores.

From a very young age it was apparent that I took after my mother and her artistic tendencies.  Crafting time, especially around Christmas, became a huge bonding experience for her and I.  We were always coming up with fun home crafted decorations and gifts.  She taught me how to paint, sew, do origami etc.  Anything she didn't teach me, I could usually figure out myself.  I still to this day find an artistic medium in which to work and within a few hours I can have a good grasp on technique.

With my artistic personality it really isn't surprising that craft and art supply stores are a kind of blissful vice for me.  Sometimes, they can be a money sinking kryptonite if I'm not careful.  But either way, it always brightens up my day when I get to go.  Even just to look to get ideas without actually buying anything.  Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I'll go just to see, smell and feel.  To get that creative spark going in all my senses.

When I walk into a craft store or art supply store my creativity senses gets a little more heightened.  The smell of paper, glue, silk flowers etc. are not only nostalgic, but kind of a high.  My imagination immediately goes into over drive.  Ideas of new projects start to flood my brain even if I've only gone in for one particular thing.  It takes all my will to resist starting something new.

In the stores I frequent, I know the aisles and how they are laid out.  Give me enough time and I can find just about anything.  But give me enough time and I will come out with five new projects when I went in for ONE piece for ONE project I'm already doing.

Mmmm...craft stores.

An exercise in Happiness

I've hit a wall.  I'm stuck in this horrible negative thinking spiral of doom.  And I need to get out!  So I'm starting a second blog.  One that hopefully I will be able to update more often.

I've felt like I've needed to be writing a lot more than I am.  I have personal journals that I'm trying get back into the habit of writing in.  But I enjoy the interaction of having a public blog.  Something everyone can share with others and maybe benefit from.  I have my music page, which I'm going to keep doing, but I struggle to find topics frequently that are worthy of a whole blog post.  The result unfortunately has been that I post every couple of months, if I'm lucky.   I found out today that Blogger, the host I use for this and my music page (and yes I'm slow on the uptake) lets you manage several different blogs all in one place.  This makes my idea of adding another one a lot easier and more manageable than I originally thought.  I've had the idea of adding a second one for awhile since I've been hitting writers block with my music page.  The problem was figuring what to write...

A few nights ago I was discussing with Tyson about what I should write about .  After brainstorming some ideas, he finally suggested that I start a 'Happiness' blog.  It was really kind of perfect!  It's not news to most who know me well that I have always struggled with seeing the positive side of things.  I get so bogged down by the negatives that it's hard for me to see through the murk and fog to the sunlight above. I'm surrounded by loving friends and family and have a pretty good life considering what others out there have to deal with, I just have a hard time seeing it sometimes.  Depression really is a bitch!  Anyhoo... with his suggestion, I immediately felt like it was what needed to be done!

The idea is to look for the good in my every day life.  Both the big and little things.  And in finding the things that make me happy, pick something specific to highlight for each post and extrapolate upon it.  I think for me this an exercise I could really use right now.  I'm hoping that being diligent about posting and spending quality time reflecting on the things in my life that make it special, the whole idea of "optimism" will bleed over and start to become part of my subconscious.  *gasp* ME an Optimist?  HA!  What a concept!  (My pessimistic self is laughing hysterically right now at the thought.)  I know it won't happen overnight.  And I know that with my current state of being, making myself find those good things is going to be a challenge.  But I really am kind of excited about starting it.  And who knows, maybe down the line if people enjoy reading and interacting with the blog, then I will work on highlighting things that make others happy too.  If anyone is interested in being a guest writer or wants to suggest topics I can write about, let me know.